Just Musing -2 July 1, 2009
Posted by qnaoflife in Thoughts.add a comment
The common truth in my humble opinion is that everyone seeking to perfect the physical beauty that dies in passing years. I would like to pursue the rare beauty beyond skin deep, which one has to go through more than just first impression. The beauty that was unspoken but heard, the hidden but uncovered and the overlooked but discovered. I would like to embrace that beauty moment as long as I can, because when it is over, it can’t never be recovered again in the same pattern.
Just Musing – 1 June 4, 2009
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We cannot stop people from changing nor we can stop people for leaving. We cannot mold every single moment to be beautiful in the process of shaping it. We cannot lie that we are happy when our expression indicate otherwise. The only thing now I see can be done is to tell the truth and just let the truth takes its own natural course.
What will be will eventually be.
Funny thing called feelings. May 4, 2009
Posted by qnaoflife in Imaginary talks, Thoughts.add a comment
“Feelings. Not easy to describe the why sometimes. You developed a feeling for someone and then throwed it away because situation does not permits. Time will heal, you self-talked to yourself to forget. Why oh why..the feelings you thrown away sinks back into your heart again? Wasn’t feeling a choice to begin with?”
The Time Factor March 26, 2009
Posted by qnaoflife in Extraordinary, Feelings, Life's Questions.7 comments
Used to hearing “You’re too old for that or you’re too young to be doing that?” I think in one’s life when you wanted to strive for your own personal dreams, you either hear one of those lines I just mentioned. I know most of the times I procrastinate in wanting to achieve some goals, be it in short or long term. Maybe too much fear clouded my mind that I just diminish the thought of moving forward with whatever silly ideas I had. At least that’s what they told me to believe.
In any rightful mind now, it’s crazy to be awake at 3am and could not care less to sleep even though the body indicates so. The words keep repeating in my head, as if it’s chanting out for help. I am bothered because I find there’s truth in those words. It’s like Father Time appearing in my most silent nights showing me that he will not stop for anyone and somehow in that reflection I saw myself aging. But at the same time, I wanted to deny this truth because I do not want the time factor to be the cause of me not doing anything at all. Because of the word ‘old’, all the things that you wanted to do practically have to be put into halt and shall not even be considered. To be young is to be daring and not to be taken aback with the line “You’re young to be doing that, let your senior(anyone older than you) do it for you.”
It’s funny how words as simple as that can affect me tremendously. I acknowledged that time is running short for me to start some dreams but I do not want my dreams remains as it is simply because I’m too old to achieve anything at this rate. If some dreams worth fighting for, then the age should not be the obstacle to stop me. At least not to give up without trying.
And what she said it’s true; there’s must be some timeline. Without it is just like a seed you planted without water.
The Crossroad February 27, 2009
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I’m at the crossroad today.
I can’t decide which way to go.
Either way brings a result I don’t know how to handle.
I wish I can just stay put right here but that is way too selfish.
The feelings today are just too heavy for my heart, and the truth may be uglier than one can imagine.
Just because, no one knows this but me.
I just don’t want to let the ugly truth out because I could not bear the opinions throwed at me even though I wanted to know badly.
I don’t need the pity. I don’t want the blame.
I don’t want to make friends worry.
I don’t want to tell the truth cos it hurts alot.
I am not okay at times but I don’t like to show it because I tried to fix things myself.
I remembered friends that approached me and afraid that I sunk into depression, and I’m thankful for the wake up call. I’m alright, just too much to think about.
I am blessed to have friends that cared a lot about me in many ways that I could not imagine. Without you all, my friends, I can never express my deepest thoughts here.
I just hope and wish I will find my way soon.
I’m Sorry February 17, 2009
Posted by qnaoflife in Thoughts.4 comments
Dear concerned friends,
It takes me sometime to think what had caused me to write such an entry when it’s not of my own. And I could not write any further about other things because I am dumbfounded with myself because of my mindless talking. I thought it through and even wanted to erase that entry to make all the misunderstandings go away. But that’s the act of coward person, who cannot face the truth that she is wrong. For she has shamed herself for behaving as someone else when she’s not that person. You can say she is living a lie.
I’m sorry for all those mistakes I made when I should has been more sensitive. I’m sorry for the misleading of some entries made in here when it should be my blog with regards of myself. Even some entries reflect my actual feelings, I could not let it out in the open. I’m sorry I cannot be truthful. I’m sorry for causing all the unnecessary worries.
I’m sorry I cannot be myself.
Stories From Your Heart November 28, 2008
Posted by qnaoflife in Feelings, Hope, Thoughts.Tags: crush, infatuation, unrequited love
6 comments
Feelings can be unreal..
I remembered the first time you named me with your playful nickname. I told you I did not want to be named other than my own name but you refused to listen. Whenever we meet, you never fail to tease me with your new found nickname for me. Most of the times, I never want to acknowledge it. Perhaps I’m stubborn. Perhaps I’m too serious to play this kind of game. Whatever it is, I begin to adapt to the nickname you gave me.
I wanted a sweet revenge. I created a nickname for you too. You take it with a smile on your face. I could never make you get angry at me, no matter what I do. You take everything so lightly in whatever I say. Sweet words, thoughtful actions and the way you say your teasing words slowly setting itself way into my heart without my conscious consent. I make it clear to myself that this is you being you and nothing more.
One day, you make me startled when you said the words I would not say if I do not mean it. I knew then not to take you seriously because when I do, I do not how to face you and my feelings for you. I dismiss the thoughts because I do not want to fall when you are not there to catch me. I could not dissect your feelings as you always being nice to everyone. It is sort of hard to tell. From now I tell myself I’m not taking the risk to wound my heart again.
It was a jolly night where everyone drinking and yanking away when it happened. The very thing I surprise myself with. I wished time had stopped the moment I realized what I did. I wished I had the clock turned just that few minutes backward and acted differently. But all these did not happen. Instead I’m left with a scar and endless questions I throw to myself trying to give a valid reason for things to happen that way. Nothing. No answer. This is so frustrating. Within the free will that is given, circumstances take over when the choice is made.
Wrong choice made. I hardly make one. Why this has to be the one? Am I too consumed with my own self-made feelings that I ended up being irrational?
Letting You Go August 26, 2008
Posted by qnaoflife in Feelings, Poem To Myself, Thoughts.add a comment
It seems easy to look at your eyes
And tell you “I’m alright”
But it was never easy to hide
The fondness feelings
I have for you
Was it just a sentimental feeling?
Did I disillusioned this
Believing there is something else
Beside meets the eye?
Numerous times I let yOu gO
Countless times I have yOu back
My weary soul begins to dismiss
Whatever feelings left
Because I am tired of waiting
And making the impossible
Were you feeling the same?
Of this longest waiting game
You are stronger
You already told yourself
To forget me
So I told my feeble self
Over and over again
To forget to love you
So that in the midst of that forgetfulness
You will not look my way.
That way I won’t be captivated by your charming smile
Once again.
- QnaOfLife -
To give up or not. July 3, 2008
Posted by qnaoflife in Feelings.Tags: giving up, losing hope, sad
2 comments
I’m tired of keeping this alive. I’m tired being wrong all the time. I’m tired of being myself. Can I forget this and move on? I’m tired of the sarcasm. I’m tired being sarcastic at times. I just want somebody who can understand me, not just mindless thought they knew what’s going on my head just by judging me on what I said. I didn’t know what I said hurts, so I begin to realise the more open I get, the more I got misunderstood so forget this.
Forget this lifetime agony.
Forget I have feelings.
Forget I have memories.
Forget I once loved.
Forget that I long to be loved.
Forget the shame I have to put up with.
Forget the time wasted to mend the broken glasses.
Forget the me that you knew because it is no longer you that I knew.
Tired June 20, 2008
Posted by qnaoflife in Feelings.Tags: sad, tired
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Feeling so useless all the sudden. All the trying and becoming had me losing out from what I envisioned my life to be. Just feeling tired of this battle of mine.
I think life is never easy for some of us. If it was, there’s no longer need to live. No challenges in life, no headache, heartache, just life without waves. I just wished I have something to shield myself every time the waves hit on my boat.
Will your friends still be at your side at the moment when everything crushed down? An easy “Yes” but not a thoughtful one. Basic human instinct: save yourself before anyone else. Friends are merely strangers that we met by chance and a relationship by choice. And your friends can still choose not to stand by you in the moment of disaster purely one loves thyself more than others.
Maybe I think too much.
