Of Being Myself

Happy Birthday Jesus~

Christmas is great, and I’m proud to say I’ve achieved a state whereby I no longer bounded by people around me. I am able to make my own decision without being obliged to say yes to anyone at all. I no longer wanted to feel I have to follow what others told me to do, compelling me to do something I will resent much later. This freedom comes with responsibilities, and I know that too much of this newfound freedom will hurt people around me.

But the truth is, for who’s sake should I take this hurt for myself? Indeed I have to be careful what I am wishing for, and yet I wish nothing less than being able to express myself in ways I am who I am without the need to be what others wanted me to be.

Ah, what a relief! For the first time after many years, I am able to do this without being remorseful to anyone at all! The feeling of being restrained, the feeling of that moment was the hardest and painful of all. By Lord’s grace, I break free! Thank You Lord and I love You, my Lord! I could not have done this without You, my Lord. The overwhelming feeling I get as I prayed to You, You gave me the strength when I least expected it. The only strength I needed to get through this. I didn’t know I have that courage; Lord You gave it to me. I know now, the only restraining order I will adhere to is from You O Lord, nobody else.

My hand pointing at the reindeer’s nose

Lord, only You know what my heart truly desires. I know it is selfish, but I need to know if I am capable to get through it. Lord, show me the way, show me how to.