To give up or not. July 3, 2008
Posted by qnaoflife in Feelings.Tags: giving up, losing hope, sad
trackback
I’m tired of keeping this alive. I’m tired being wrong all the time. I’m tired of being myself. Can I forget this and move on? I’m tired of the sarcasm. I’m tired being sarcastic at times. I just want somebody who can understand me, not just mindless thought they knew what’s going on my head just by judging me on what I said. I didn’t know what I said hurts, so I begin to realise the more open I get, the more I got misunderstood so forget this.
Forget this lifetime agony.
Forget I have feelings.
Forget I have memories.
Forget I once loved.
Forget that I long to be loved.
Forget the shame I have to put up with.
Forget the time wasted to mend the broken glasses.
Forget the me that you knew because it is no longer you that I knew.
Though I don’t know the details of your grief, knowing you and quietly observing you from all these years — the true you that I believe many people miss — I know one thing for sure: you relate at a level few in their lifetime would ever dare approach. The last comment wasn’t meant for comfort. And that’s my point. You dare to delve into the mysterious depths of life and ask ridiculous questions. Therefore you are destined to bear the weights of the deep answers that are thrown back at you, plus many more questions accompanying them.
The wise suffers the most in her time, and inevitably becomes an outcast of sorts among her people. I dare say the reason those in your life misunderstood you (and will continue to do so) are no different from children misconstruing an adult’s idea of a day at the beach when all they want is to play in the mud. Your intentions and depths of love far exceed the comprehension of those who can’t see beyond their own wallowed vision. Does that warrant you to stop being yourself? You’re not given an elevated vision for your own gratification’s sake. Keep doing what you do to convince them of the beauty you see over the hedge.
Sometimes the more I try to convince the deeper the mistake can get. Perhaps if I keep doing what I am doing often enough, they will see it one day, just like you. Thanks Tin Soldier…