Sometimes one decision changes everything..

Do you believe every decision that you are going to make takes you to a different path each time? Every single choice that you have decided, make you think you going for the certainty of life yet it is the uncertainty things you are unaware of behind that each “door” you choose upon? I find that is rather amusing to be sure of what you want when what you want could be the next thing you want to get rid of.

It’s funny, isn’t it? The irony of life itself. How much we really want to understand life and it’s complexity? As simple minded as I am, I could not help and wonder why sometimes life can be THAT complicated. 

People throw questions at you, ‘Why do you have to see it that complicated?’ or ‘Why you need to see the negative side of life?’ Do we really have a choice not to when each turn we make, we keep facing troubles, we keep facing heartaches? So much so we want to let the Lord lead our lives, yet it gets really harder each passing day? I believe our Lord will never give us something we could not handle, but at our most fragile moments, do you know we could just slip away without a single soul knowing why?

 crossroads.jpg

Thus, what are the choices we are left with? Are we not battered enough that we keep having the same nightmare that this is never going to end? I used to to tell myself someone else has worse luck than me. There are people poorer than me, suffer more than me, bla bla bla and the list goes on. But the real fact right now that we couldn’t care much how other people’s situation is. That idea only comforts us temporarily, really,we need to get back to our own reality.

How to deal with it? We always try to look for a better way out but what if we are left with a few choices that trap us, that could only make situation worse? What define good choices and bad choices? What if what we thought is a good choice initially turns out to be a bad choice in the end? Can we still hope the best out of it? I would say yes and no. Yes if you managed to get out of that perfectly fine, and no if you have to lose something precious to you to get away from that.

Is all left to merely prayers? Hoping some kind of miracle happens? I seek miracles, and I know there are beautiful angels out there to guide me during these life difficulties. We really don’t know what is the next thing that could happen to our very lives. We could only embrace it when it comes around. What is the best way to handle it? To each their own, I would say.

So what is your decision today? It decides your tomorrow.

Sometime Love Just Ain’t Enough

So happen to listen to one of my all time favourite songs, by Patty/Patti Smith and I just love the lyrics. It does sometimes remind me so much that I am not perfect, in loving anyone or in a relationship with people. At times, I need to break friendships for it is of the best solution, not because I wanted to, but I have to. This does remind me of the song “Cruel to be kind” in the right measure.

At times I made mistakes, and those mistakes will always be in my mind because I could not turn back and told myself it is okay. Everything will be back to normal again. My friends supported me, telling me I’m not at fault, but deep down my conscious mind keep telling me all these are lies. It’s comforting to know my good friends love me, and want the best for me.Yet I could not deny the agony feelings that I have to feel when I need to let go friends who doesn’t choose to understand me better and forgive my wrongs.

Thus, sometimes love just ain’t enough. But if love coupled with respect, understanding and commitment, I believe that you would probably have the greatest love of all. There is no guarantee that greatest love need not face trials and challenges, but if you truly believe that your love worth fighting for, then the end result is never be in the question. Rather it is the process of loving people that matters. Because you can never stop loving someone when you once loved someone, just probably it is in a different kind of love now. That is what my Bear once told me.

I will still love my friends that no longer called “my friends” or special people I crosspath with that no longer able to hold the status ‘special’ in my life, but I’m glad they are with me during the time God intend for me to meet them. They had taught me wonderful life lessons and because of them, I slowly learn what love means. That love should not keep record of wrongs, that love is not selfish, that love means accepting one’s weaknesses, that love means sacrificing your own need for the happiness of another, that love means love when you don’t calculate that “I give you more love than you do to me.”

I am not perfect yet in giving my best to my loved one or my friends, but I am prayerful enough that one day I will know how.  🙂

So teach me how.

 

Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough by Patty Smith

 

Now, I don’t want to lose you
but I don’t want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don’t want to hate you,
I don’t want to take you
but I don’t want to be the one to cry.

(Chorus)
But there’s a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it’s sad when you know it’s your heart you can’t trust.
There’s a reason why people don’t stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don’t want to blame you.
Baby, you don’t have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something’s gonna change.

(Chorus)

And there’s no way home
when it’s late at night and you’re all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there’s a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it’s sad when you know it’s your heart they can’t touch.
There’s a reason why people don’t stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain’t enough.

Baby, sometimes, love… it just ain’t enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No

Feng Shui

Emily and I run into a friend at the bookstore today looking at feng shui books. I’m not a fan of feng shui or any sort of that matter. Yet, this does improve a lot of people’s situation by placing certain things at a certain angle somehow. Anyway, after Emily bought the things she needed, she come across of this Lilian Too’s mini yearly feng shui book. She was browsing through wondering where to read about luck and stuff like that, and I asked her to look at the time frame of mid-March to mid-April. Coincidencely, we look at relationship category and it stated so clearly that Rooster will have the highest quarrelsome time at those time frame.

I’m not a person who believe in Feng Shui, yet I think it is by chance I get to see that. Well, it happens to me right now, and the quarrel rate is quite high. Another coincidence is that at my work place, I was comtemplating whether want to voice out my opinion or keep it to myself. The Lilian Too’s mini Feng Shui book mentioned about how my work situation was not in good shape, and it is not the right time to place my say on anything in particular.

Oh well… Feng Shui or not, I think I just try my best to think the positive side of everything. Whatever challenges that comes along, I just hope I could overcome it.

oh, wedding bells…

Yesterday morning, Reen and I attended our colleague’s wedding ala Malay style. The last time I attended Malay style wedding was many moons ago so I am still vague on what to do, what not to do and so on. In this kind of situation, just follow what others do. 😛

I find that in Malay style wedding, everyone bergotong-royong (work together) and this involved the neighbours as well. They don’t mind one bit and actually two other neighbours (my colleague stay in a flat) on the same floor actually has their house wide open for the guests. So when I arrived, I went into my colleague’s house and when other colleagues went to take some bite, they went over to the other house to eat. Weird isn’t it? hehe. But there is a sense of togetherness and friendliness among the neighbours 😀

These are the photos taken that day :-

Continue reading oh, wedding bells…

What had happened in the last few days

(It has been a few days since I last write an entry. In that period of time, I was restless, bored, and wasn’t feeling that well. I spent most of the time in the evening just sitting in my room, looking blank. Actually I just felt so empty inside. Angry at myself too. Because I didn’t get to achieve what I wanted last year, and the years before that. My good friend therese told me before that she dreamt that I had a good job, and pretty much that I’m happy with my job.)

I love my current job. I believe I am here in this company for some kind of purpose. I got lots of exposure from going to all those less fortunate organizations. If not because I work here, I probably don’t even know where the Society For The Deaf Centre located at. Or the old folks’ home. If you were there with me, you could just shed tears looking at those faces that just seem old, obscured and frankly speaking, a body that is waiting to die. I believe most of them felt that way.

The old folks home I mentioned is Lion Nursing Home. When my company staff helped in giving out those Chinese New Year hampers to them, one actually cried out loud as if nobody had cared for her for years, and that we do. Deep down I almost cried but I hold back because there were so many people around. And because there were reporters there too.

Were they unwanted? Did their children come back and see them? I asked one of the caretaker there, ” Are these old folks mostly without relatives?” “Most of them have children that has gone overseas working, and some find they are unable to take care of the old parents personally”, answered the caretaker. Living in Lion Nursing Home is not a cheap affair. I’m not so sure about the expenses, but I know they are well taken care of, physically. But mentally and spiritually, I’m not that sure. Most of them display sad, nothingness look when we distribute the hampers. When you look at these situations, you wondered if one day you will end up at the same place. And that through your own old eyes, you will see the younger you, standing there distributing hampers, holding back the same tears you had a few decades ago.