Holidayss…

Found an interesting quote, and would like to share this:- 

It is not power that corrupts but fear. Fear of losing power corrupts those who wield it and fear of the scourge of power corrupts those who are subject to it. -Aung San Suu Kyi

Find that this quote strongly related to the working environment that we will always have to face. ūüôā

Also to a strong character person…

Anyway, this coming weekend is going to be a long one~ Yay…

Hmm..but where to go for a breakaway? *scratch head*

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To My Mum I love dearly

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Dear Mum,

¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† Happy Mother’s Day. Come this day, we flashes you with flowers, cake and a dinner to just show you how much we love you. But the fact is, we cannot summed up what you did for us in the past years in just one day or night for that matter. No, it is just not right, we know that. I realised that it is not enough to show our loving actions just in that one commercial day. To me, it seems fake. Because after Mother’s Day, everything is back to how it is; you working from day to night and night to day and we minding our own businesses just as if we lead our own lives without you. I’m sorry for being like that. I’m sorry for being sensitive for only a day in a year. I’m sorry for not being able to be the person you wished me to be.

¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†This year, I know I had disappointed and hurt¬†you deeply. I have done what you deemed is the worst gift¬†received from me. I know best than to hurt you with what I¬†did¬†but I did what I did because I felt strongly that it is the best option for everyone. I know you would disagree from head to toe, but I hope you could understand why this is happening and what my conscious is telling me to do. Maybe you don’t see it now Mum, but I hope you see the bigger picture in the future.

¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬† I know in the process of my actions, I have taken away precious things away from you. I could have done the unspeakable for you, yet before the situation gets worse, I think I have to act cruel to be kind. A lot of times I have tried to go against you, your words, your ways of living. I could understand you but I could not follow you. And I’m truly sorry for that. It is not my intention to make you unworthy in giving me the right kind of advices that you think I ought to follow. I just don’t function that way now, Mum. I still take your words, your advices, yet there are some advices I could not¬†grasp because it doesn’t match my system of belief and values I learnt during those younger years that you tried to instil in me. The values that I’ve learnt from you,¬†Mum. To lend a helping hand. To be kind to the animals. To be kind to people. To never¬†harm anyone with words and actions. To be grateful for what I have. To treasure little things that come my way. To learn to say thank you. To learn that there is a loving God. You taught me to save money¬†for rainy days.(This I failed to do,Mum) To be patient with people. Most of all, you taught me how to be a girl, then a proper woman that reflects your teachings.

But now I have to face the real world, and the older you. The one that sees things differently from me. The one that could not understand the adult me. The one that wants the best for the adult me. We just viewed situations in different eyes. I love you Mum nevertheless.

Because…¬†

I could never forget the worry look on your face when I was sick.

I could never forget the joyful look you flashes when I graduated.

I could never forget the sad look you try to hide when I hurt your feelings.

I could never, most of all, forget how you tire everyday when you sacrifice your time to care for my being, your time to make sure I have three meals on my table, your time to make sure my room is neat and tidy, lastly your effort to earn a living,  so that I could have that comfortable life you could never have.

That is why I promised myself, that whatever I do now, I wanted to give it back to you, Mum, so that you could have that same comfortable life that you had given me. I wished I could tell you, Mum, stop working, enjoy life, let me earn a living for you. Let me care for you, let me spend a little more time with you, let me pamper you with material things.¬†But for now, I am in a rut, I could not even¬†take good care of myself. Maybe… I am just too naive to have this dream.

Written with love and tears, at 3am on Monday 14th May, 2007

(*Took me courage to put up after 2 weeks of silence*)

Felice?

Two good friends in a cafe, chatting what is the next best thing to do…

Girl A : So..

Girl B : So…

Girl A : Can I ask you a question?

Girl B : Just shoot, what’s up?

Girl A : If you are not happy with him, why did you stay?

Girl B : I’m¬†not sure myself. Can’t say I am not happy everytime. Just that¬†maybe we know each other too well.

Girl A : But you are not happy all this time. Don’t you think it’s time to move on? Seem to me he can’t never change.

Girl B : I have faith in him. I guess now is just trying time for him.

Girl A : For how long you going to put yourself through this?

Girl B : As long as I can withstand it…I guess.

Girl A : I just don’t understand. If it is love, then it shouldn’t be always¬†you feeling gloomy, hurt and all those stuff right?

Girl B : I am just as confused as you do. They say true love hurts. Maybe it suppose to hurt sometimes, before it gets better.

Girl A : Whoa?! Are you crazy? Love should give you that butterflies feeling in the stomach, the racing heartbeat…

Girl B : We are over that. You know this only happens in the movies.

Girl A : So, you are saying, true love is actually that boring feeling you get accustomed to each pass day of your life? Man, then I rather be single.

Girl B : It is like knowing a person inside out. You know what annoys him, what makes him happy. It’s like family. With family we can be ourselves. We can be stubborn, we can get angry, we throw tantrums, those stuff. Family always forgives you, and usually forgets your wrongs.

Girl A : I still think this is not right.

Girl B : What matters is that he loves me lots.

Girl A : Babe, love has blinded you. Love not suppose to be tis bad. Just keeping all the hurt feelings inside. Is it fair for him? Love suppose to be two-way communication.

Girl B : As long as he is happy. I am happy.

Girl A : Whoa?! You are too innocent babe. Why are you at the receiving end? Receiving all these unnecessary pain.

Girl B : Maybe I am destined to feel pain all my life. I don’t know, somehow I get used to having pain in my life.

Girl A : Girl, you need to see the psychologist. Nobody is destined to suffer. You made do what you have. You decide what and who your partner be in your life. You gotta wake up girl. Your life, is your own story in making. Decide for yourself what you really wants, and do not turn back.

Girl B : What if this is all wrong? I am so afraid I will regret making this decision.

Girl A : Life is risky, like it or not. You just have to learnt not to make the same mistake again. That way you won’t regret, my friend..

Girl B : I don’t know, I really don’t want to think about it for now.

Girl A : Don’t take too long delaying the whole matter, or else that life consume you and you will not be able to let go anymore.

Girl B : *silence*

Girl B : *sigh*

Girl A : Alright, I won’t pester you on that matter anymore. Let’s go, I know the chocolate ice cream opposite here¬†could cheer you up.

Girl B : Thanks. *smile*

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Change has come

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“I’ll go wherever the wind brings me”

 

 *The change I mentioned on my previous entry did not come by as how I predict it. The change I meant is changes that happen to us daily. But this differs.

The change has come.

In much unexpected situation and timing that I did not anticipate.

With change, there will be only two outcomes, the good or the bad. When the change happen in the spur of the moment, those involved in that change could not foresee if the change is for the good or for the worse.

Probably we could only wait and see.

Change provoke two kind of emotions, fear and enthusiasm. Fear because it is no longer the same old routine, it is different than the usual, just like entering into unknown territory. Enthusiastic feeling because you break free from that same old routine, excited to challenge yourself and uncover that unknown territory. These two feelings usually exclusive of each other but then again it can be a mixed feeling altogether.

For me, it’s fear.

Hope this change is for the better days ahead.

Are you busy?

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Are you busy

Have you got time for me

Lately

I have not seen you around

Where have you been

Preoccupied yourself

With heavy workload

I did not know

When is the right time

To talk to you

Just about anything

That has been going on

In my life

Am I happy now

Am I sad

Am I having trouble

Coping with life

Do I need help

Because

I am afraid

One day

When you finally free

From all the worries in life

I might not be here

For me to ask you

Are you busy?

That Face

I saw a familiar face the other day

A face I once knew

A person I spoke to before

You have become history

Because of circumstances

I could not comprehend

No longer I want to feel

The feeling of hurt

The feeling of being pressed down

With negative thoughts

Of myself

I saw you again today

Just a glimpse

I hope one day

You could find

Your true self.