The Crossroad

I’m at the crossroad today.

I can’t decide which way to go.

Either way brings a result I don’t know how to handle.

I wish I can just stay put right here but that is way too selfish.

The feelings today are just too heavy for my heart, and the truth may be uglier than one can imagine.

Just because, no one knows this but me.

I just don’t want to let the ugly truth out because I could not bear the opinions throwed at me even though I wanted to know badly.

I don’t need the pity. I don’t want the blame.

I don’t want to make friends worry.

I don’t want to tell the truth cos it hurts alot.

I am not okay at times but I don’t like to show it because I tried to fix things myself.

I remembered friends that approached me and afraid that I sunk into depression, and I’m thankful for the wake up call.  I’m alright, just too much to think about.

I am blessed to have friends that cared a lot about me in many ways that I could not imagine. Without you all, my friends, I can never express my deepest thoughts here.

I just hope and wish I will find my way soon.


I’m Sorry

Dear concerned friends,

It takes me sometime to think what had caused me to write such an entry when it’s not of my own. And I could not write any further about other things because I am dumbfounded with myself because of my mindless talking. I thought it through and even wanted to erase that entry to make all the misunderstandings go away. But that’s the act of coward person, who cannot face the truth that she is wrong. For she has shamed herself for behaving as someone else when she’s not that person. You can say she is living a lie.

I’m sorry for all those mistakes I made when I should has been more sensitive. I’m sorry for the misleading of some entries made in here when it should be my blog with regards of myself. Even some entries reflect my actual feelings, I could not let it out in the open. I’m sorry I cannot be truthful. I’m sorry for causing all the unnecessary worries.

I’m sorry I cannot be myself.