The existing buffer

I feel like I’m on buffer mode whereby I’m in a transition of here and there, undefined. I realized the danger of unplanned purpose. It’s like going down discovering new roads and get lost along the way. It’s not because you didn’t read the map but more to mapping endlessly in too much excitement only to find the joy died down and rational senses knocking you on your head.
I know I could lie to the world I tried my best but I know I did not. That it’s the thing about knowing your character and try to change it. And I realized it earlier than I should. I’m on my critical stage and yet I feel complacent. I’ve become sure to unsure. Or was it I have been unsure all this while just that I didn’t want to admit it and insist on my stubbornness? I know I need to be humble to learn from my mistake and get rid of bad feeling I’m having now.

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I think I am a weirdo

Today is my 6th day in this big city called Sydney. I’ve spent 2 full days just staying home and not getting out there experiencing life. I did spend relatively 2 days to explore the city CBD(Central Business District) where all the major shopping malls are.

Now I know the danger of not having focus and one detailed purpose because after the first day here, I felt lost and confused. I keep questioning myself if this what I wanted. Coming to the new city excites me for just two days really, which after that I feel it’s like my life is back to square one in Malaysia if I start a new job or something. How to get back this positive feeling again? Maybe I’ve been out of ‘business@interview’ since I didn’t change job..

That’s why I think I am a weirdo. Everybody from other countries seem to enjoy being here except for me. Or I just need time to adjust. I just love bear’s creative ideas of giving me missions to do. I really like the idea. It ‘starts’ me in that sense. Why he understands me so well? 😦 I don’t like it when I am so predictable to him…@_@