In 12 days time, it will be half an year since I left Sydney. In between I have tried getting back on track with my old job, old life and the friends I used to hang out before. I thought I will feel some sense of great loss or missing because of a year away from my friends and family but instead it felt like I just left home for a month. Everything becomes familiar so easily and before long I am falling back to the usual smell of my pillows, the way how things were arranged in my room and how I could predict when will my loved one cracks a joke.
But the truth is, after a few weeks had passed when I left my (57) family, I did feel lost, being stuck chatting with them and being away from the things that happened to them. I wished I could be there, having that moments with them instead of just imagining how things happened from the stories they told me. This emotional attachment lasted until about a month ago when realization kicks in that I am losing the connection and touch with them. Even if we are sharing stories, it seems like we doing it because it is a habit and it’s no longer because we shared much things in common that we could talk about. The common things hardly exist anymore because they are there and I am here. The only thing we could talk about is the past of the past, and not the present. We did talk about the present, the casual ‘hey, what’s up?’ but somehow the present doesn’t involve us together doing things together anymore. That is when distance happened.
And how distance too change things back home. A few of my friends left home for greener grass on the other side and one close friend recently get hitched. I’m happy that she finally found someone to fill that void in her life but things ain’t the same with me when we used to just hang out, drink ice lemon tea and laugh till tears rolled down from our faces. In fact, I felt the void not having her around just having idle chatting. That was me 3 months ago. Now I have learned to accept a different familiarity in this season of my life.
I need to get up from this long silence.