I met her in 2006 a couple of years after we both left high school. She was my schoolmate that I hardly talked to but we knew each other through daily occurrence in school. We had a brief catch up, and keep each other contacts. Then I invited her to join me in weekly badminton sessions which slowly deepens our friendship. Our friendship to me was special, I never could be myself or express my true feelings without being judged by others except whenever we spent time together. We bonded so well that sometimes people thought we probably could be lesbians but we are not. We shared deepest thoughts and secrets together, that we could literally know what is each other mind without even saying it out.
In the middle of 2011, I left my hometown to have a year’s break from the working routine. During that time, we still keep in touch through Skype, updating each other on what’s new in our lives. She just started seeing someone new and I was happy for her that she finally get to move on from her previous relationship. In this new relationship, everything seemed so perfect, the guy always brings her out and say all those sweet words that she wanted to hear. They seemed to be the perfect match, from the things she told me. Gradually after about half a year or so, the guy seemed to lose interest in her or perhaps just wasn’t that enthusiastic as how they first started. Messages were replied late, invitation to go out for dinner is getting less and he seemed to prefer to hang out more with his buddies. My friend tried to fix or communicate things with him, stating things that he didn’t do, demanded the same kind of attention when they first started. I gave advices to help them to patch up things, and try to let her see that the two of them has different personalities and priorities. It really seemed that my friend has fallen too deep with him that she fail to see that, in order to grow together in this relationship, both side has to learn to accommodate each other and the love has to be the main reason to stay.
I came back in 2012 and things are rather different now with my close friend. We no longer spend much time as we used to be when she is single, we don’t do crazy stuff like driving around town just because we enjoyed each other’s company, getting slurpy drink from 7 Eleven and so on. I noticed the changes and I embraced it eventually. I have my boyfriend then and yet I always put her as priority. Perhaps that is why this friendship failed. Her inability to know who to put first in situations just make me realized that she never had my best interest in her mind. It does hurt me that she never see the effort I put for her despite arguments I had with my boyfriend just to be by her side when she needed a companion.
The biggest blow came when I have chosen her as my head of bridesmaids and she wasn’t around with my other friends to be with me on the eve of my wedding and came late for my reception. She didn’t state her reason clearly at first but eventually it was because she choose to have Valentine’s dinner with her boyfriend than to be with me on one of my most important life events. Perhaps I am too sensitive and expected too much from a friend that I shared so much with as compared to others.
It has been a year since this happened. We no longer hang out together after I have told her why I was upset and how things never going to be the same. She didn’t think this as big of a deal, which felt like rubbing salt to my wound.
…I would treasure the memories we had for these good and bad 10 years, my almost true friend. This friendship has kept its distance because you don’t know you have truly hurt me, a friend that would die for you…
Goodbye my friend.