I’m tired of keeping this alive. I’m tired being wrong all the time. I’m tired of being myself. Can I forget this and move on? I’m tired of the sarcasm. I’m tired being sarcastic at times. I just want somebody who can understand me, not just mindless thought they knew what’s going on my head just by judging me on what I said. I didn’t know what I said hurts, so I begin to realise the more open I get, the more I got misunderstood so forget this.
Forget this lifetime agony.
Forget I have feelings.
Forget I have memories.
Forget I once loved.
Forget that I long to be loved.
Forget the shame I have to put up with.
Forget the time wasted to mend the broken glasses.
Forget the me that you knew because it is no longer you that I knew.
Feeling so useless all the sudden. All the trying and becoming had me losing out from what I envisioned my life to be. Just feeling tired of this battle of mine.
I think life is never easy for some of us. If it was, there’s no longer need to live. No challenges in life, no headache, heartache, just life without waves. I just wished I have something to shield myself every time the waves hit on my boat.
Will your friends still be at your side at the moment when everything crushed down? An easy “Yes” but not a thoughtful one. Basic human instinct: save yourself before anyone else. Friends are merely strangers that we met by chance and a relationship by choice. And your friends can still choose not to stand by you in the moment of disaster purely one loves thyself more than others.
Maybe I think too much.
What we give from our hearts will not be returned in the same favor. That’s the bitterness of life. Only through great spiritual strength that we would be able learn to give willingly without any expectations of the same gesture. We live for the betterment of ourselves, even though life turns sour for us each time we give pieces of our hearts away. Unfairness is not just a word, it’s part of life we must carry on with.
I realized why I’ve withdrawn from all these pleasing; it just collateral of pains that won’t go away.